Monday, February 21, 2011

Home


Everything seems to bother me today... the smell of old furniture which pervade the clothes I left on them because I forgot to keep them in the drawer, the flavorless and cold food I´ve been eating for months, the old computer getting broken today, the unfinished books under my pillow, the odd sensation of being in a very small place and yet smelling the scent of loneliness all around the house as if I was in the biggest mansion ever built, the dirty streets with garbage and dog crap everywhere, the small children screaming, the steps of the neighbour upstairs, Molly´s wrath attack; always pecking at me, the mess at the living room, the dishes piled up on the table, the suitcase on the floor, the dusty flat roof, the cardboard over the small bathroom´s trash can, the draft in the kitchen, the walls, the door, the windows, the curtains...

So Im sitting here writting this, crying and saying to myself "I hate this place!"
I feel so childish now that I realize that it´s not really that I hate this place with its old furniture and small rooms...It is not that Im mad because the computer broke down or because I ate badly today, it´s just that this place brings back to my memory things I thought I had forgotten: people and things that hurt me in the past.

This is the place where I spent the worst years of my childhood... and I miss my family, I miss my place, I miss my things. I miss you.
I just wish I could be home right now, I wish this could feel like home to me.

7 comments:

Gugo said...

When we feel we dont belong where we suppose to we must lean on something else, something bigger that can make our minds leave and be in peace, lean on God and if you can lean on me, I just want to support you!

Bpap!

musingbymoonlight.com said...

I do relate to this. Sometimes it takes long and hard work to adjust. Sometimes it just takes being patient with ourselves and the situation.

Peace -
JamieDedes

Jingle said...

bless you, you deserve the best.

please take what life has to offer, enjoy the light, if you adjust your mind, you feel more peaceful and loved.

Cheers.
welcome and Happy Rally.

abthomas said...

Fantastic piece - the lament and agony of the past is always ever present when the keys are still within the locks of their gates, aren't they?

anjum artwriter said...

Great truth in this piece so well written reminded me of a similar situation

tigercity said...

I once said "if the picture doesn't fit, change the frame".. and a loved one confided it was true for her..take a deep breath.. you'll find your home..

anjum artwriter said...

great write up enjoyed it again