Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The crack on the tree

I´ve never been so lonely like today.
I am sure you still won´t be here tomorrow, and you are not here today, so why am I still sitting here?
I come here every single day and sit in this same spot in the middle of the sidewalk. People stare at me, sometimes they even throw a coin at me, I must look really pathetic. Besides sitting in the middle of the sidewalk is not what people may call "normal", but still I go there at 5:00 o´clock and sit.
But of course you already know that.
And I bet you also know that when I sit there I keep on looking at the tall tree in front of me. There´s a particular crack in it which I stare at the most of the the time, but of course you already know that...
And I also know that you already know that after the first hour sitting there my eyes begin to water again, like they used to, and that I look at the sky sometimes to say a prayer and ask God to somehow, in His magnificent power, take me away from there, drive my legs home, something that would force me to leave... but He never does. I only listen in the wind: "Go home yourself, I did not bring you here..."
I bet you know that I leave at 7:00, sometimes at 8:00 when the violinst arrives to the main square to play.
You know that I wouldnt stay to hear her sad notes whispering in the air words I dont want to hear.
Then I walk home because I have the stupid idea that you may appear walking somewhere at some point of my way home. That´s exactly why I never take a taxi.
But of course, you already knew.

So, you know a lot of things which I never told you, but what you don´t know is that you don´t know anything about me.
You were never serious when I tried to talk about my dreams. I wanted you to hear me, I did not need you to share them or to walk with me on the way to get what I wanted. I was shy and I did not talked a lot, but that was because I show my emotions when nobody´s looking, I whisper my secrets, I dont scream.
And when I go to sleep, I dont think about you, I think about God.
I bet you dont know that.

So tomorrow I´ll walk again and I´ll sit on the same spot in the middle of the sidewalk, and I´ll stare at the crack in the tree, the crack that has your initials marked.
I remember that we were here and you looked down to the tree and said that you would come here everytime I needed you, that it would be our secret reunion place, and you marked your inital.
It was a promise, you should have thought about it first.
You made a promise you would never keep...

That´s why I come here everyday, because I like staring at the crack, as if it would bring you back here, I sit here and despite the eyes that keep looking feeling pity for me I wait.
That´s why I come here, that´s why I stay here, that´s why I stare at this tree... not because I love doing it, not because I like the pity I cause, not because the tree is worth looking at... I am here because I need you.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Shrimp Salad.

I really love this post... try to imagine.
Original Post in: The rabbit hole.

I’ve told so many times to the company that I don’t like beach destinations, there is something about the beach that I find repulsive, so when I have to make them I avoid even to be close to it.
You may think that is too much, but I even ask for a hotel that is not in front of the beach. There is nothing like a good hotel with A/C I can think I’m not close of it.

Tonight is one of those nights. I’m on a disgusting beach destination, just arriving, refuging from the heat that makes me sick, the job was good as always, I think all these years made me good at it and I simply enjoy it.

I reach the hall, the hostess says hello and smiles. I love that they don’t really care about themselves, their job is always to smile and make you feel good and comfortable.
I just can make this forever, catch a plane, grab a cab, check in...different faces and check out.

I take the elevator to the suite, walk a few steps and get my hand on the jacket and pull out the key card.
As I insert it on the door a cold rush of air runs thru the corridor which is strange since I’m on the 15th floor of a complete closed building. The led turns green and I get back where I was, I enter to the room and close the door.

Once inside, first thing to do: off shoes and socks, then the shirt... the pants feel just fine.
I turn the tv on. Nothing special to watch, all I need is the noise.
I feel hungry: call room service, there is no question my favorite diner at this hotel is shrimp salad and a cup of red wine.
They are here 30 minutes later, 10 dollars tip, and no more human contact until tomorrow.
I sit on the bed watching tv and start eating, this particular meal is good, finish quickly and seek for a movie, one is just starting... I should watch it, I do.
Meaningless entertainment, two hours have gone and the body recalls for rest. So I simply turn the light off and get into bed.

As all is dark and no more noises are made in the room, I can hear the sea with its annoying sound, not even the two blocks dividing us can hold the noise, anyway I focus on sleeping and close my eyes.
The night is running and I’m feeling uncomfortable. I just keep on moving on the bed, I think it is the shrimps´fault…
Another hour is gone and I cant concentrate so I stand up walk a few minutes around the bed and feel better. I’m back on it.

I finally feel comfortable and sleep. Suddenly I wake up and feel all in a rush, I cant hardly breath, I feel as if my head is going to explode. I feel so anxious, I stand up put my pants and my shirt on and I get out of my room, get down on the elevator and run thru the hall.
The hostess seems surprised, she can’t even say a word.
Once out on the street my legs start running towards the beach, it is like some part of me is guiding me with self life and the other part is just being driven by.

I run the hole two blocks and I spot that thing that I hate and that I’ve run away from during a lot of years, now I realize that there is bad weather, a lot of wind is running making my run harder. My shirt is waving and the wind is crashing against my naked chest and my stomach has a funny sensation... it is as if the wind was running thru me.
I finally get to it. I can feel the cold sand down my standing feet and is not that bad at all.
In some moments the immensity of the dark sea is enlighted by a stroke, a beautiful ray of light that seems to point me something in this very moment.
I take my hands to my face and I feel something wet. There is still no rain falling, I notice that tears are falling from my eyes. Then suddenly the noises of the wind stop and a calm, soft music is heard. I cant recognize it, but I can hear two violins, the second one making a beautiful harmony with loud cellos being shutted by a beautiful melody made by the first violin, it is just so beautiful.

I realize the music is coming from the sea, just where the thunders are falling and I do not hesitate and enter into the water, first walking until I can’t reach the sand anymore, then I swim. I just follow the music.
As I look back to the beach, something emerges from my old memories. I remember why I hate the sea, because that is how she left…

I keep on swimming and the music is stronger than ever, now there are oboes, trumpets, drums and flutes.
A light is down my body, deep down in the sea I stop swimming and pay attention to it. I can see something is moving thru the shadows and pieces of light emerging.
It seems like it is a fish...
I don’t feel scared, but then I see a face, a familiar face, a woman’s face…

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

My life according to Michael Bublé

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. You can’t use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. Repost as “my life according to (band name)”

Pick your Artist: Michael Bublé

Are you a male or female: Stardust

Describe yourself: Summer Wind

How do you feel:Feeling Good

Describe where you currently live: Home

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: A foggy day (in London Town)

Your favorite form of transportation: Dream

Your best friend is: Always on my mind ;)

You and your best friends are: Everything

What’s the weather like: Wonderful Tonight

Favorite time of day: Moondance

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: The best is yet to come

What is life to you: How sweet it is

Your last relationship: That´s all

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


-Are you sure?
-Sure? Of course I am sure! What? Don´t you trust me?
-I do.. but it is not what I expected.
-But it is the best thing to do. You really have to trust me in this. Ready? One, two...
-No, wait...
-Now what?
-It is just that... I am afraid.
-You know? you´re very childish...
-But I am scared. I need something though I am not very sure of what it may be.
-Try to make up your mind, what do you need?
-I think I need... time.
-Time? We can´t stay here forever.
-I just need some time.
-You won´t wait for me. Will you?
-Yes I will! Of course I will.
-It won´t be much. I promise.
-Is this an excuse?
-No, no. I am truly trying. Please be patient.


-Are you ready now?
-No. I am not.
-I gave you time! I´ve been waiting here for you and still you won´t do it.
-I just can´t. I am sorry.
-Why are you crying? You always cry.
-I am sorry.


-So what do you need. But be honest this time.
-I need...
-I need...
-You need?
-I need a friend. That´s what I truly need. A friend.
-I love you.
-What I need is you. You are my friend.
-I will be here.


-So are you ready this time?
-You are here, yes I have all I need.
-Yes! go ahead or I´ll get scared again.
-Ok. Here we go. One, two, three! Jump!

Once they fell from the swing they keep on walking.
She is 7 and he´s 9.

Friday, August 13, 2010

All you ask of me.

I would cross the ocean 12 times.
I would stay under a sky without stars...
I could climb the highest mountain
I could die trying...

I would give up my name
I would give up myself...
I would never stop believing
If you asked me to...

But all you´re asking for is
Just that.
You will use the time to make things right.

I just have to wait.
And I made a promise.
I will wait.

Thursday, August 12, 2010


"Sorry I´ve been away for a while and I have not read you my dear blog friends! I´ve been kinda busy... but I´ll read you I promise."

She wakes up and takes a look around.
There she is, the little girl she has been taking care of most of her life; her sister.
"I am sorry..." she whispers.
She does not want to leave her alone, not now.
"She needs me" she thinks.
But what she truly needs is God and that she already has...
Maybe she is the one who needs the little girl, maybe the girl will be just fine.
Then she realizes that she is scared.
She is very, very scared...

(Thank you for listening, you helped me a lot, I know God uses you to help me thru this kind of things so believe when I thank you. I hope I can do the same thing for you. :) and I will do as you said, leave it to God, smile and be calm.)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

A trip to remember...

"How can you see places like this... and have moments like this and not believe?
 " -A walk to remember