The crack on the tree

I´ve never been so lonely like today.

I am sure you still won´t be here tomorrow, and you are not here today, so why am I still sitting here?

I come here every single day and sit in this same spot in the middle of the sidewalk. People stare at me, sometimes they even throw a coin at me, I must look really pathetic. Besides sitting in the middle of the sidewalk is not what people may call "normal", but still I go there at 5:00 o´clock and sit.

But of course you already know that.

And I bet you also know that when I sit there I keep on looking at the tall tree in front of me. There´s a particular crack in it which I stare at the most of the the time, but of course you already know that...

And I also know that you already know that after the first hour sitting there my eyes begin to water again, like they used to, and that I look at the sky sometimes to say a prayer and ask God to somehow, in His magnificent power, take me away from there, drive my legs home, something that would force me to leave... but He never does. I only listen in the wind: "Go home yourself, I did not bring you here..."

I bet you know that I leave at 7:00, sometimes at 8:00 when the violinst arrives to the main square to play.

You know that I wouldnt stay to hear her sad notes whispering in the air words I dont want to hear.

Then I walk home because I have the stupid idea that you may appear walking somewhere at some point of my way home. That´s exactly why I never take a taxi.

But of course, you already knew.

So, you know a lot of things which I never told you, but what you don´t know is that you don´t know anything about me.

You were never serious when I tried to talk about my dreams. I wanted you to hear me, I did not need you to share them or to walk with me on the way to get what I wanted. I was shy and I did not talked a lot, but that was because I show my emotions when nobody´s looking, I whisper my secrets, I dont scream.

And when I go to sleep, I dont think about you, I think about God.

I bet you dont know that.

So tomorrow I´ll walk again and I´ll sit on the same spot in the middle of the sidewalk, and I´ll stare at the crack in the tree, the crack that has your initials marked.

I remember that we were here and you looked down to the tree and said that you would come here everytime I needed you, that it would be our secret reunion place, and you marked your inital.

It was a promise, you should have thought about it first.

You made a promise you would never keep...

That´s why I come here everyday, because I like staring at the crack, as if it would bring you back here, I sit here and despite the eyes that keep looking feeling pity for me I wait.

That´s why I come here, that´s why I stay here, that´s why I stare at this tree... not because I love doing it, not because I like the pity I cause, not because the tree is worth looking at... I am here because I need you.