Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The crack on the tree






I´ve never been so lonely like today.
I am sure you still won´t be here tomorrow, and you are not here today, so why am I still sitting here?
I come here every single day and sit in this same spot in the middle of the sidewalk. People stare at me, sometimes they even throw a coin at me, I must look really pathetic. Besides sitting in the middle of the sidewalk is not what people may call "normal", but still I go there at 5:00 o´clock and sit.
But of course you already know that.
And I bet you also know that when I sit there I keep on looking at the tall tree in front of me. There´s a particular crack in it which I stare at the most of the the time, but of course you already know that...
And I also know that you already know that after the first hour sitting there my eyes begin to water again, like they used to, and that I look at the sky sometimes to say a prayer and ask God to somehow, in His magnificent power, take me away from there, drive my legs home, something that would force me to leave... but He never does. I only listen in the wind: "Go home yourself, I did not bring you here..."
I bet you know that I leave at 7:00, sometimes at 8:00 when the violinst arrives to the main square to play.
You know that I wouldnt stay to hear her sad notes whispering in the air words I dont want to hear.
Then I walk home because I have the stupid idea that you may appear walking somewhere at some point of my way home. That´s exactly why I never take a taxi.
But of course, you already knew.

So, you know a lot of things which I never told you, but what you don´t know is that you don´t know anything about me.
You were never serious when I tried to talk about my dreams. I wanted you to hear me, I did not need you to share them or to walk with me on the way to get what I wanted. I was shy and I did not talked a lot, but that was because I show my emotions when nobody´s looking, I whisper my secrets, I dont scream.
And when I go to sleep, I dont think about you, I think about God.
I bet you dont know that.

So tomorrow I´ll walk again and I´ll sit on the same spot in the middle of the sidewalk, and I´ll stare at the crack in the tree, the crack that has your initials marked.
I remember that we were here and you looked down to the tree and said that you would come here everytime I needed you, that it would be our secret reunion place, and you marked your inital.
It was a promise, you should have thought about it first.
You made a promise you would never keep...

That´s why I come here everyday, because I like staring at the crack, as if it would bring you back here, I sit here and despite the eyes that keep looking feeling pity for me I wait.
That´s why I come here, that´s why I stay here, that´s why I stare at this tree... not because I love doing it, not because I like the pity I cause, not because the tree is worth looking at... I am here because I need you.

17 comments:

Gugo said...

Sometimes To leave is to live... and to live is to love...

dulce said...

Bad thing to need someone so badly... but at the same time, the feelings it brings are so goooood!

David Franco :: ¡Ya Levántate! said...

Triste historia pero bella.

Maha said...

it was beautiful the way you portrayed their relationship.

ljm (Amias and Liquidplastic) said...

Love is a hard row to hoe, and once it got you, there is nothing you can do but wait for the release ... I have been in this place to many times to count.

I so enjoyed this story, it has great potentials.

fiveloaf said...

really beautiful.. thanks for sharing..

Bing (PinkLady) said...

love does that to us. sad but lovely piece!

Bye For Now

Jingle said...

a unique and inspirational piece.
I am glad for what you do,
Happy Reading!

Thanks for linking up with potluck.

Reflections said...

Interesting piece, and how we hold thoughts, emotions tied to a physical thing like your tree, hoping to bring back, turn the pages of time away.

industrialarts said...

sad but true poem on relationships... wonderful job!

Eric Alder said...

Sounds like a piece based on real life. Nice work.

Templeton's fury said...

"I whisper my secrets, i don't scream."
Excellent.

thebeatofmydrum.com said...

That's so sad. I can relate. I had, in the past, gone to places just to reminisce, to keep hoping, even when I knew there was absolutely no way the person I was waiting for would come. What a lovely, emotional piece!

Shashi said...

Dear Lu Ann

Its very meloncholy though lovely... I could relate to this very much. Thanks for sharing..

ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

700miles said...

true sadness... take good care

7∞ miles

Lu Ann said...

ljm (Amias and Liquidplastic: I thin you totally got me!

fiveloaf: anytime... thanks for reading

Bing, Jingle, reflections, Industrial art: Thanks a lot :)

Eric: Yes, it´s kinda made of things I´ve felt....

Templeton´s fury: that´s my fav. quote too :)

Thebeatof my drum: nice you liked it!

Shashi: Not at all, thank you

700 miles: thanks, same to you!

Jingle said...

thanks for linking up with potluck.

http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/11/16/moods-are-like-dark-woods-4-potluck-week-10/

award/treats for you. smiles.