How many times I woke up thinking about you...
Thinking about the pain I felt in my heart.
That pain, how can I describe it? A deep cold shiver pressing your chest so hard that you can hardly breathe.
It is funny when I realize I´ve only felt that pain twice... I felt it because of you and because of someone who did not worth it.
Im not going to talk about him, because he is not important to me as you were.
But it is funnier when I think Im sitting here waisting my afternoon writing something that you will never read.
I´ve never had problems expressing myself when I write... but it seems like I cant even start to write about how much you hurt me.
I mean... you broke my heart, and it only took you four words to do it.
How could those lips that used to give me strenght and hope suddenly pronounce those four fatal words?
They left you lips softly and flied through the phone until they got to my aching ears.
Because oh! I forgot to tell you that your words unconsciously stabbed me too many times before that deadly phone call.
I must confess I still draw a sad smile in my face when I remember how many times you walked away.
You were always so full of life, so full of joy, so full of dreams.
And I was always there supporting every single step you took.
When you came undone... who did you look for? Oh, I guess you forgot for a while.
The sad thing is that, no matter how hard I tried I could never be part of your dreams, part of you.
Why did you always left me outside from everything?
I guess I had too many expectations about you, because, you see... that is what I do. Im like that, you should know that by now, i guess you just didnt pay enough attention.
Wow... my hands still shiver while Im thinking aboout those words I´d love to bury 10 ft. underground.
I wonder... can you remeber what you said?
Because I can, and the words still sound like they did that February night.
I can remember I told you how I felt, I tried to tell you that you were hurting me badly, but you didnt listen.
You kept on talking about that person who did the same thing to you over and over again, and about how much she hurt you.
You were dying for her to come around... and I was dying to save us.
I can not believe how selfish you were that night.
Ok, here it comes.
I have to write it! I must take this out of my system... I have to tell the world what you said to me.
You said "She is my dream"
So darling, there are too many things I usually forget.
I always forget where I left the keys, I forget to do my chores, I forget about my favorite song... I forget feeding my dog. But those words I cant forget.
There are things we can´t recall, blind as night that find us all... and I wish I couldn´t recall the way you turned your back on me, the fact that you were my best friend, the one I trusted the most.
I cant forget it, and probably I´ll never do. That´s why this is my farewell letter darling.
This is my last goodbye and I am still the queen.
(passing afternoon-iron & wine)