From this side of the window (p.2)

Day 10

Sorry, I wasn´t allowed to write until today.
Well, the last time I wrote was the night after I was brought here.
By the way, "they" made me burn the paper I wrote that day.
It was part of their rage control therapy.
My nurse found it one night when I was sleeping in this rigid mattress, so when I woke up I had two doctors, one shrink and my lovely nurse standing in front of me, staring...

"Good morning sweety, how are you today?" the shrink asked.
I hate when they talk to me, they do it as if I were some stupid little child who doesn`t understand what is going on, or worse... they talk to me as I used to talk to my dog.
I am not stupid! I am not crazy! Let me out of here!
How I´d love to shout at them... anyway I won´t do it, because no matter how well behaved I act here, how I obey their "rules", how I go to therapy, they still believe I am crazy, suicidal and stupid.
Later on that same day, the shrink asked them to leave us alone, and she closed the door behind her and sat on the edge of my bed.
She showed me my writting and asked me to deny I wrote it.
I thought there was absolutly nothing wrong with it, so I admited it was mine.

She looked at me, as if she was very confused and told me I had to go to an anger-control therapy.
I believed it was ok daring to ask why, after all even crazy people have their rights, right?
She nodded with her head and with that big stupid smile on her face said: "Honey, I can see a lot of rage in this writting... see how many times you wrote stupid"

Well, I must say she is right, it is the least ugly word I can use to describe everything around here.

Oh, I remember I was about to tell you about people.
Where should I start? Monique.
She is a very young woman, she must be around 23 or 24 years old. She is the less harmful insane person here, actually she is very funny.
She firmly believes that she is Anne Boleyn.
Pretty original huh?
She keeps telling me about how she will stole the king`s heart so he stops loving her sister Mary.
Everyday she cames up with a new strategy to capture his heart.
The other day she claimed and affirmed that she was pregnant and that finally she would be the queen.
The next day she cried out loud because she had lost her baby while she was taking a shower, so now she refuses completely to take a bath.
I know, stinky problem.

But, most of the people here are not funny.
Every night I have problems with sleeping because their heartbreaking cries and sick murmurs resound all across the room.
I can hear some of them talking to the walls, whispering to their pillow asking them to keep their secrets.

Last night, a man around his 60´s came straight to my bed. I got scared, who wouldn´t.
He apologized for it. He looked around as if he was making sure no one was listening and said to me in a very low voice: "Do you want some?".
"Some what?" I asked
He replied "Some meat, human meat. I know where we can find it. Come!".
"I don´t want human meat, thanks".
His face suddenly turned red and shouted to me: "Well, as you wish young lady! You won´t be able to try the glorious taste of it".
All I wanted was to hide myself somewhere, and I know it might seem childish or old fashioned, but I covered my face with the blankets.
I had nowhere else to go, no scape.
When I opened my eyes to see if he was gone, I found out he was still there.
He tunred around to leave but saying in a soft tone of voice: "If you want some... I can show you where. They will take you there sometime anyway."

So, now you may have an idea of how things are over here.
They won´t burn this writing, I know exactly where to hide it.