November 15, 4:00 P.M
I´m getting tired of this silly game.
All this rage-control stuff and the talks with the shrink (she is the old lady I mentioned the first day I came here)are making me feel exhausted.
I must say there are some good things about this, like not having to do the laundry, or being able to be with myself not having to answer to anyone.
I like that, I´ve never liked people very much anyway...
Today is my birthday number 35.
Funny to write it, as if I needed to remember or as if someone who may find this in the future would care.
Today I am expexting the call of the only family I got left, my brother.
Well, my mother is still alive, but I don´t talk to her since I was 17.
It is a sad and stupid story, Im sure you don´t want to hear it.
I tried to call him a week ago, but he was busy so he promised he would call me on my birthday.
I really hope he does, because even when I am surrounded by more people here than what I´ve ever been my whole life, I really feel alone.
Besides Anne Boleyn, I can´t talk to anybody, and by now I must confess I don´t believe the "king" would love her... Poor child!
Yesterday I asked what was my diagnosis. The doctor seemed really surprised and told me that no one in my "condition" had ever asked that before, he said maybe I can recover because I show a little more sanity than people like "me".
Will someone ever answer my questions?
So, Anne Boleyn told me that she was taken by her nurse the other day to a "magic room".
I dont know what she meant, the only thing I could understand is that after you finish some kind of treatment, they take you there to a "revealing" moment that will help you to heal your wounds.
She came out crying from the magic room. She told me it wasnt pretty, but her nurse heard her and told her to shut up.
Then she looked at me and told me: "Poor kid, she is not ready to leave yet". It kinda suprised me, because she talked to me as if she knew I am not crazy, as if I could somehow understand that the "magic room" has nothing magical in it...
How I wish he did not!
Because I can`t talk to anybody here I think I must at least write it, take it out of my system somehow.
I can´t believe how glad I was when the nurse took me to that little green room with the phone over a white table.
I sat down and said "hello" as if I were a kid who says it for the first time in her life.
He answered everything I asked with cold, flat words.
I was about to tell him about Anne Boleyn when he interrupted me and said: "I was just calling to say happy birthday as I promised, I don`t really care about the place where you are".
I asked him what was wrong... the silence went on.
In a desperate effort to hear his voice I asked "How is mom? Does she know I am here?"
Suddenly I heard his breathing changing and, with a voice full of anger and resentment like he had never talked to me or to anyone in his life, he said: "And you dare to ask *·%*$¨!"
I tried to say something, anything, but the words didn´t come out from my throat.
"She is dead" he said.
"You killed her darling, they made you forget that?"
"I didn´t kill her, how can you say that? I haven´t seen her since I was 20!"
"And why do you think you are there? huh? You made a good role hun, you saved yourself from ending up in prison..."
"It was a cat Brian! It was a stupid cat!"
He hung up...