Passing Afternoons: From this side of the window (p.5)

So, I wanted to know the truth, didnt I?
Now I have to stay here... in this cold and horrid room hiding from them.
If they find me... well I believe something bad could happen.
Dammit, this death skin smell is terrible... I think Im gonna puke for the third time.
These are my last sheets of paper, the one I had in my pocket since yesterday.

And, you may wonder why I am here... well, they would NEVER look out for me in here, because it is the place where no one would like to be, where they force you to be only in special ocassions... yep, Im the "magic room".

I took my chance, I started to talk to my shrink.
While she was doing a the routinary questions about my health and childhood I told her: "and I hated my mom" just to see how she reacted.

She didnt move a finger so I stood up and held her hand so she would stop writting in that light green paper I´ve come to hate.
She looked at me and I told her: "I need the truth, and I need it now. Why am I here?"
"Sweetie" she said "because you killed a cat".

"What is so wrong about it? When and why did I kill it?"

"I dont know why you killed it, but you assured it was your mother, hmm let me check"
She looked to my files and said "September 28"

I was very confused now, it couldnt be... "It cant be, that day I was at the cementery... I was leaving flowers for my baby, my Laura..."

"Who´s Laura?" she asked

"My dead baby... my daughter, she´d be 18 now"

Well, if you didnt know, and even when you probably dont care, I had a daughter.
I used to be a good girl, obedient and all stuff... but I got pregnant when I was 16.
I was young, and stupid... but I wanted to keep my baby.
How come I could love someone I didnt know so, so much?
My parents were really mad at me, they screamed all the time and called me with dirty names.
My dad left us because of it, he said he would not stand the shame of an "used" daughter. He went away and I havent seen him since.
My mom was so desperate that she wanted me to abort my baby so my dad could come back home.
I couldnt do that! It was MY baby.
I refused... so said I could stay but that she would never talked to me again and that I shjould work to get food.
So I did it like that cause I had nowhere left to go.
My brother took care of me while I was pregnant, but right after Laura was born I started to work.

I had to work from 6:00 AM to 9:00 PM to feed both of us.
So my baby stayed home with my mom.
She only gave food to the baby and then do as if Laura wasnt there.
But after all she was my mother, I know she would not be so cruel to Laura, it wasnt her fault.

But one day, when Laura was 2 years old... well... mom and I had a fight. It was the only and last time that she talked to me since I was 17. She was really angry because the money I made wasnt enough for me and the baby, she said she would end up raising Laura... then she started to tell me again about my dad and how I ruined her life and that she hoped Laura ruin my life as I ruined hers.

I was really angry, so I just took my coat and left.

When I came home that night I saw a lot of ambulances and people all around my house. I got scared, I thought my mom had killed herself or something... Where was my baby?

I will only say that my mom felt so angry with me that she screamed to Laura and told her I would never come back and then locked herself in her room.

Laura was scared and went out to look out for me... she was a baby, a small baby.

She got run over by a stupid car.

She is dead because of my mother...

Wait... what is going on...
I remember a cat... yes, I remember I screamed to the cat and that I ...

Oh My God! I killed the cat....

(Suddenly lucidity came into her mind... now she sees the truth)

No, No.... It cant be...
No there´s no cat... there had never been... I made up that? Why didnt anybody tell me?

It wasnt a cat...

Oh my God... I killed my mom that day.

...
...
...

Where am I?

"The end"