Sunday, April 25, 2010

And I´ve got your song....what do you got? I dont know where to go from here andI want to say I am sorry but...

(This whole situation is getting out of my control.
And I came here to write it not exactly because I want to be understood, actually, I do not care if people get me here after all, I´d be surprised if someone read it till the end.)

Mommy, I am so sorry that you lost your little childhood brother.
I´d never felt your pain like that before... it was so deep.
I am sorry, I know I speak too much, but I never say the right thing when I need to say it, I never know when the time or the words are right.
Sometimes I am just speechlees, but I love you and if I could make you feel better I´d do it, without restrictions, without a doubt. (But you recovered an old brother)

You...we have a really strong bond even when it has not been a long time since we started to build our friendship.
I´ve known you since I was less than 6, but I never thought I´d get so close to you.
And I know that you´re here for a reason, and I know our friendship is stronger today because of something.
I can not understand why and I am not sure I want to know.
God may have planned this and I know that someday we will understand.
What I know... and I know you know it too can´t be explained to the rest of the world because they would not understand it. You know what I mean?
It is different and I do know what it means at least at this very moment.
I know what it was even when it may look different for others outside this bond.
It was so scary, it was so weird it was so expressive.
Souls... nothing else spoke that day.

Now you want to express it with words. Will you be able? I will be able.
This time words will be flat and cold, because they can not reach the correct phrase as to tell what the soul thinks.

And... I know you need me now. I know you´re under a big pressure this days and you need a friend to support you.
I can do that, I´ve always done that.
But... I need support right now too... I just don´t know if I can handle this.
It is too much for me to take!

And... I´ve got your song. But what do you got from me?

I do not know where to gor frome here.
I am stuck. I can not have both things... I dont want to loose neither of them. I don´t want to mess things up.

And God wants to teach me something from here.
I can not take it! It sounds stupid... but there are so many things that are holding me back because I know I just can´t keep messing around and taking all of them with me on my way.
I know some of them are still on the "we will see" and I want to keep them that way. It is not the right time to unreveal them, but something has been telling me that anyway I have to take a few desicions if I want to keep on going my way.
They may seem like diminute choices, but my a really important part of my future depends on them.

I don´t want to be mistaken... I can´t be mistaken this time.

So I will pray and ask for God´s help.
I will do it again, I will leave my whole life, my heart and my dreams in His hands.
I can not do it alone, and I am really scared, but I know that He will show me the right way.
I will have to learn to walk this path, but if He´s by my side everything will be better.

You... are important for me. And you know you are.
There is something about you I can´t quite figure out, but I am ok that way.
I think we are walking on the right way, besides all the things around us and about us that seem really odd and against the nature, at least my nature.
But I care about you, you care about me.
And I do not really mind about all those things, I do not really mind about wondering about them.
Only God knows where will we be tomorrow.
You should know that no matter what happen or what dont happen, you´ll always be a part of me. :)

So, this post is about many people... I just needed to put it down somewhere so I could ease my mind a little and do what I need to do.None of you need to be a part of this if you dont want to...
I should tell you I am sorry, but I am not. I did it and I think it was right because my reasons where right, you just would not understand. I want to say I am sorry, but I know I´d do it again.

(Write you a song-Plain White´s)
(You and me-LifeHouse)
(Sorry-Daniel Bedingfield)

1 comment:

Gugo said...

I read it all the way down... And I think I catch most of it, I know how bonding the music can be, and there is when I say envy, just that, envy...
You'll be part of me as well, but if you ask I'm waiting for the good things to happen for both of us, with time God will unveil...
Trying to understand God's will is hard, I know it for sure, but also all things will be better walking with him, hopefully that may find comfort in your family...