Death... I am not afraid of dying, but I do everything is on my hands as to prevent it from happening.
But what I am frightened of is of people I love dying.
I know they will be with God if they accepted Jesus, so maybe what I am scared of is of what is going to happen to me without them or how am I going to feel when they leave.
I´ve only lost one beloved one in my whole short life, somebody I met since the day I was born (no exaggeration).
She was an amazing woman, so strong and beautiful and loving.
And I learned a lot from her life because despise her incapacities and her constant pain... and the tragedies of her life, she was always praising the Lord with all of her heart, you would never see her crying or complaining, but smiling and trying to make you feel comfortable.
I wish I could have said to her how much I admire her, how her life changed mine and how much I love her.
I was running out of time with each day that passed, and I knew it.
I was selfish even when I hate recognizing it I must say I could have done more, I could have given her companion... it was all she was asking for.
I could have said something nice or called her once in a while just for her to talk to me about ANYTHING she´d like me to hear.
I could have made her feel special, and part of my life.
I could have stayed with her when she was in pain, I could have read her a book or play a piano piece for her.
I could have done a million things I did not.
And I wish I could have done and said that.
The worst part is that I knew I would feel like that and still I was not able to face my fears.
The fear of not knowing what to say or do, the fear of watching her like that... or maybe the fear of loving her so much and geting so used to her when I knew she was going to leave.
I know you´re better and I am happy for you because you are where you belong, right there next to our Savior feeling no trace of the pain you had here and enjoying your eternal life.
But... I wish I could have told you.
I love you. <3 If I am crying is because I miss you... but I´ll meet you one day.
"You were just running out of time to say what was on your mind... If you can't take the pain of a broken heart, just let her go... ""
(Let her go-Craig David)