untitled

This should not be THIS HARD!
There`s a million easy way outs.
I am not like that anymore.
I take things seriously.
So why do I feel so weird?
This is not about chosing... is about knowing exactly what I need to do according to God`s plan.

And I wish I could stop feeling a hole in my stomach... a strange but sutile pain running through my veins every single time I blink.

I hurt you right? It hurts me.

It should not be like that... is just that I dont quiet know how mend this now.
Never thought it would be this way.

And I`d love to hear your voice... I`d long to hear you say what you think about this.
Cuz I am running out of my mind!

I can not do this alone!
But I have to do it on my own!

I dont care if this time I readyou wrong... it burns me ok?

This have to mean one of two things: Are we meant for each other? If it is,well it is not gonna be the first "problem" or the first person trying to get in between.
Will you quit on me? Will I quit on you?

It is way too soon... never thought this would happen today.

Or does it mean that this is not for us?

If everything happens for a reason... well, what the hell is that REASON?!

This is hard for me... I´ve never been here before... or maybe I am just childish.

The fact is that I feel so many different things that I can`t specify which one is which.

I wish I could know... mom says great things came out from things like this.

Mom and dad came out from a situation like this... we are not mom and dad, but, what if it is true for us too?

And I dont care who reads this or who doesnt... I dont care if they know.

I miss you.

Yes, this time is direct and I dont care!

How can I miss you? I mean... it hasnt been so long.

normally I admit I would go on like this as if nothing happened, I would not care and it would be "just fine"
This time is different. I can not pretend like I dont care, I cannot go on like this and it is absolutly not right.

So.. yes I feel terrible, hope God answers soon cuz Im loosing my patience.

I dont wanna be mistaken, I want to be right...
By the way, I am sorry.